A scene

Here is a new scene I wrote for a script I'm writing. It may entertain you.

~~~

Dinner is being served. Various Stebbintes are seen ladling Borscht. From the doorway Joe is seen being let in with his Luggage. SHERMAN HOLMANI, house manager, sits at the head table with JANE the health manager. Sherman bangs vase on the table like a gavel.

JOE (V.O.)

Like it or not, he's the boss. And at the first house meeting our fates were about to become inextricably crossed.

HOLMANI

All right everyone. House meeting. House meeting!

The Stebbinites continue to talk loudly amongst themselves.

HOLMANI

House meeting!

The Stebbinites continue to not quite down. Holmani picks up the vase and drops it. It lands on the floor with a loud CRASH. The room becomes silent.

HOLMANI

Welcome to the first house meeting of the semester. I'm Sherman, the house manager. I'm in charge of house bills, disputes, and workshift hours which, if you're not familiar means that I own five hours of your life every week. Skip out on your assigned workshift and not only will I dock you double hours, I will crush your soul. Now, before we begin I'd like to ask everyone if they've seen my notebook I lost... It's blue and gold... and has a picture of a unicorn on it... with kind of a rainbow coming out from behind? No?

Everyone shrugs no.

HOLMANI

Ok then. Normally the summer house president leads this but since Revital caught mono I'm doing it till we elect the president for the new semester...

JANE

I'm Jane, the health manager. I know it's not really my turn to talk but I just wanted to say that the mono is really bad this year. If you're thinking of going to the Cloyne court Room-to-Room like, you should definitely make extra sure not to share cups... or make out with Marcos. He totally had it all summer and you can still be infectious for like 12 months after you've gotten better.

STEBBINITE (O.S.)

Communist Jill has it too.

JANE

Really? She's at Castro House, isn't she? Well! You learn a new thing every day.

HOLMANI

I'm going to have to ask you to stop talking now.

JANE

It's a serious issue. My sister's friend totally died from it.

HOLMANI

Really?

JANE

Yeah... well, it was more like an acquaintance.

HOLMANI

REALLY?

Jane looks down sheepishly for a moment.

JANE

My... My sister doesn't have any friends.

HOLMANI

We're going to do the elections next week. Most of the position are uncontested so we'll dispense with the speeches. However the summer kitchen manager Iliya is being challenged by Jason so I'll go ahead and give them a chance to speak. Jason?

JASON

Ok. My platform is simple - simplicity. My platform is that as kitchen manager none of the dinner cooks will be allowed to make borscht. The tyranny will end. And my pledge is that as kitchen manager I will not order any beats. Wait, I will order only one single beet from Central Kitchen during my tenure so we will have a reminder of what was.

HOLMANI

Iliya?

Iliya stands up with his bowl of borscht and eats a large spoonful, savoring it. He smiles at the room, takes another bite, and grunts in ecstatic appreciation.

HOLMANI

Ok. That was some compelling arguments on both sides...

JANE

Also, I just want to point out 'cuase I know some of you maybe didn't eat beets a lot growing up or in the dorms so just a warning for tonight and tomorrow: This borscht will make your poo look totally red. You're not bleeding internally. It's normal. Oh, and your pee too maybe, a little. Like if you have two bowls.

JOE

How long do these house-meetings usually take?

WE SEE: Clock on wall goes from 6 to 8:30.

Dreams

For as long as I can remember I have occasionally had dreams in which I try to read but find that - though each word I read is valid - the sentences are not grammatical and don't make any sense. Even worse, when I go back to reread something, the words change so I'm reading a totally different nonsense sentence.

Also, on more than one occasion I have realized I was dreaming and tried to swing the dream to something more fun (i.e. something involving Sarah Silverman) but this always seems to make me wake up.

Or maybe I only seems like I always wake up because I only remember when I do. Retrograde amnesia is funny like that.

I once wrote an article about dreams. I didn't think it was very funny but a lot of people seem to like it. I suspect however they they don't find it very funny either and just like it because it's just entertaining to read. I don't mind that at all.

The further adventures of: Boring Man!

I've returned from New York. Didn't see any shows while I was there but I did go to a comedy club with My buddy Haatem (see his blog on the side bar). I guess New York has more comics since this was a Wednesday show and over half the performers had apeared in their own Comedy Central feature. The biggest name was Darrell Hammond who - though totally drunk - did manage to perform his famous Bill Clinton impression. Yes, it is good.

Also, the line-up featured a guy who thought it was a good idea to do a 15 minute set on the candidates without actually discussing anything of substance besides what they look like. Ha ha. You know, I didn't vote for Senator Clinton but if I was going to crack a joke about her I could probably come up with better material than the fatness of her ankles. And yes, Obama is skinny. Whoopdy-doo.